Scans, scans, and more scans!

Please pray as I travel to UAB tomorrow, October 29 for an MRI at 6:30, a bone scan injection at 7:30, a bone scan at 9:30, a CT scan at 1:45, and a doctor appointment at 2:30. I just received news of all of these scans yesterday. The nurse told me it was possible that they could work me in to have the CT scan between 7:30 and 9:30, so please pray that is possible so I am not there ALL day.

As many of you know, my mother is in the hospital. She was in pretty bad shape, but praise God she improved during the day yesterday. For those of you who were aware of the situation, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!! Our God is an AWESOME God and is in the healing business. She's not out of the woods but will be healed regardless of whether it is in this world or the next. And so will I. Healing doesn't always come the way that we want, but it is always in His perfect timing. 

A pain in the neck...

I went to the doctor today. As I've told many of you, I've been having a lot of pain which has made me sick. (I'll leave out the details in case you're eating. LOL!) I've also had some more pain in my left hip. Because of these changes, she wants to be thorough (can I hear an amen for thorough doctors?) and ordered an MRI of the brain, a bone scan, and a CT scan of my chest, neck, and pelvis. She wants them done ASAP but a couple of the scans have to be pre-approved so I couldn't get definite dates today.

I'm feeling better today but still have pain in my neck. (I know. A pain in the neck. Get it out of your system.) You just don't realize how heavy your head is until you have trouble holding it up.

Keep the prayers going. I appreciate them so much. I'll keep you updated.

Is Anybody Out There???

I've been in excruciating pain today. I've been battling headaches since I was 17 and I'm very tired of it. They are related to the Chiari Malformation that I had surgery for twice. No doctor has ever been able to find a medication that will relieve the pain. They can be quite debilitating. This poem came from that pain.

Is Anybody Out There???

Is anybody out there?

I hear myself cry.

I feel so alone

Under the great big sky.

I wait for an answer,

But there is none to hear.

So I ask again

And wait with much fear.

I cry out in agony

So tired of it all!

I cry out again

And beg with my call.

I hear a whisper

In all of my pain

"I'm here for you child;

You have much to gain."

I don't want to continue.

I'm so tired of this fight!

"Just wait for My summons.

You'll come Home one night."

But I'm in such pain!

I want to go Home!

"Not now," said the Father.

Not until I'm done.

"My plan is not complete.

When it is, I'll call.

For now, be patient.

It's only the Fall.

"Winter is coming 

 And then you'll be ready.

 But until that time comes,

 Remain slow and steady."

I know LORD, I know.

I know what You're saying.

You've promised great riches

So I'll just keep praying.

I don't like this burden.

I don't like it at all.

But for now, I'll be patient

And wait for Your call.

Your plan is perfect

I know deep down inside.

But when I'm dealing with such pain

I can't help but cry.

Your thoughts are much higher;

Your ways are more grand.

I just have to have faith

And continue to stand.

Today I'm not happy.

I'm not going to pretend.

But joy comes in the morning

And one Day it will end.

Then I'll be in Your presence.

What joy that will be!

I'll be at the feet of Jesus!

Oh how clear things will be!

You are so precious;

You are pure love.

I just have to claim it

By looking above.

Thank You for Your mercy.

Thank You for Your grace.

Thank You for allowing me

To one Day see Your Face.

Is Anybody out there?

Oh yes indeed!

My sweet Jesus is there

Living in me!

I woke up with a massive headache this morning. I do that a lot, especially on Saturday. I don't know if it's the culmination of the week's events, but it happens way too often. On this particular morning, I started feeling sorry for myself because I am simply tired of this whole experience. I'm tired because I've been dealing with headaches since I was 17 years old; I'm tired because I will endure some type of cancer treatment for the rest of my life; I'm simply tired. Then I started feeling guilty because there are plenty of others who have it so much worse. The experience of this life is so relative. No matter where we are, God cares about our circumstances and is always there to lift us up, just as He was for me this morning. He put this poem on my heart that I learned in junior high school. Yes, I said junior high. It wasn't middle school when I was growing up. (Many of you can relate to that!) It's one of my favorite poems and I used to recite it with my sweet Daddy. The second stanza is especially relevant. I hope it can help you as it did me.

A Psalm of Life

By HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

1807–1882

What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

   Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

   And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

   And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

   Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

   Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each to-morrow

   Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

   And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

   Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,

   In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

   Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

   Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

   Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

   We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

   Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

   Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

   Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

   With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

   Learn to labor and to wait.

Snow Day!

Snow day! Believe me when I say that teachers get just as excited as students. Especially when we learn that we probably won't have to make it up! Woo-hoo!! It's the little things...

Well, it's been a LONG time since I've posted. My scans continue to show no growth in the cancer, so I am now only receiving Zometa once every couple of months. I never thought I would get to this point. God is SOOOO good! I continue to receive Zometa because of the cancer that is on the bone. Cancer on the bone disrupts the healthy regeneration of bones and causes them to be compromised and vulnerable. Zometa can help prevent these complications. However, because it is treating the bone, I usually have a lot of bone pain after treatment. Now that my treatments are less frequent, I seem to be having more pain. I had a treatment last Thursday (today is Wednesday), and my bones still hurt. But praise God, I don't have to do this as often!

Thank you for your continued prayers. I know I can speak for so many others when I say that prayer works. I read about people everyday who are dealing with life's challenges. I really don't know how anyone makes it without faith in our Precious, Almighty Savior. He is worthy to be praised!

The Good and the Bad

I think the time between my posts is getting longer and longer. For those of you not on Facebook, I apologize.

My last doctor's appointment in late August went very well. I had MRI and CT scans that showed the cancer had shrunk! Yay!! Because of this, she said I could start having treatments every 3 months instead of every 3 weeks! I was one happy camper! I have a doctor appointment on October 7, but I don't have another treatment until December 5. After 3 years of going every 3-5 weeks, extending that time to every 3 months sounds fantabulous!

However, I had to start teaching again. Don't get me wrong; I love being a teacher, but it's an extremely demanding job. I have a lot on me this year, and even though I don't have to have treatments as often, I'm still battling this disease. I am tired just about all of the time. This is a very difficult post for me to write, but I'm going to write it anyway. When I woke up this morning, after struggling with a headache all night (which I've had for days now), I really didn't see the point in being here any more. I really wanted to go Home where I will have a glorified body and not have to deal with this any more. I didn't know if I was going to take my medicine because I just didn't see the point. When I told Neal, his face just dropped. I felt bad even telling him. I keep a lot internalized because I feel that a huge burden of responsibility has been placed on my shoulders. During my life, since I was 17 years old, I have had to deal with one health problem after another. It has not been an easy road. God has been with me every step of the way, but sometimes I want to literally be in His Arms.

As selfish as I was feeling about being ready to give up, I know I have family members who would be devastated. So, I decided to post on Facebook this morning that I needed prayers for my physical and emotional well-being. Oh how you came through! Although my headache is not gone, it is much better and I'm in a much better frame of mind. Our God is so good! Thank you for being there for me once again and boldly going to His throne for my sake. I know I will be much better off and much happier once I go Home, but I also know that He's not through with me here yet. Thank you SO much for the prayers so that He would remind me of that. You guys rock!!

Everybody's got a story to tell.

Everybody's got a story to tell. I had the privilege of sharing a portion of mine at church Sunday morning. I will attempt to recount what I shared at church here.

About 3 1/2 years ago I got sick with what I thought was a cold, but it just wouldn't go away. Eventually, I lost my voice and thought it was just laryngitis but it didn't get any better. I went to an ENT and he couldn't figure out what was going on either. He ran a series of tests and finally told me that I had a paralyzed vocal cord and it may or may not get better. My brain might heal the cord and it might not. Only time would tell. So for about 1 1/2 year I could barely speak, but it started healing. I still don't have full use of it. I can't sing like I used to. I can't reach notes that I used to, and I can't talk very loudly but I can talk. I'm quite thankful that God chose to give my voice back to me!

Not long after I initially lost my voice, I had my yearly oncology visit. Back in 1998, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through a year of treatments and had been in remission since that time. During this oncology visit in 2010, I expressed concern about some things that were going on. My doctor did some tests and found a couple of spots that were concerning to her. I went through a lot of tests that summer which finally led to the fact that the cancer had returned in my bones and my lung. By now, I was seeing a breast cancer specialist in Birmingham. She told me it was stage four metastatic breast cancer and could not be cured, so I asked her how long I had. She said that with my history and the fact that the lesions were so small, I could have 10-15 years. That at least gives me an idea of what she thinks I have to work with. I know, however, that I could die tomorrow or I could live to be 100; it's all up to God. 

Does it matter that I have cancer? Not really. What matters is how I respond to it. I often tell my 9th and 10th grade small group that 100 years from now it won't matter what happened to you. What matters is how you respond to it. Even now, it doesn't matter to someone whom I don't know that I have cancer. But what if my response leads someone else to wonder how I can respond to my situation like I do. Several of you have told me that you don't know how I do it--that you know you wouldn't be able to handle it like I do. You are absolutely right. YOU can't, but God can. I have to let Him take control. If an unsaved person I encounter comes to know Christ as a result of my response to this situation, then it's all worth it. That person could then share with the person I don't know who could get saved and then become a missionary somewhere on the other side of the world. Our responses to our situations matter. 

Think of Job. The story isn't just about Job and what happened to him. The story is about how he handles the situation, and it is also about how his family and friends handle the situation. I am so blessed to have a husband who has been right there beside me every step of the way. I also have friends who have stepped up to help or to just offer encouraging words. Read the story again. Put yourself in Job's shoes, his wife's shoes, and his friends' shoes. How would you have responded? I'm not facing anything like Job faced, but I would like to think that through God I have made a difference. 

However, I don't want you to think that I face this battle without question. Yes, today I feel quite blessed and privileged that God has chosen me to walk this path. Tomorrow, I might feel differently. This road is tough. Sometimes I feel quite alone and forgotten. It's been three years. By those calculations, the world would now say I have 7-12 years left. There again, it could be tomorrow or I could live to be 100. God knew from before the beginning of time just how many days I would have here on this Earth. I'm not afraid of death. I know my destination. It's just the getting there that frightens me. What about you? If you were to be diagnosed with a dreadful disease or if someone you love were to be diagnosed, how would you handle it? Is Christ at the center of your life?

"Blessings" by Laura Story has become a song that I treasure, but I still can't reach many of the notes (even if I sing it at a lower key) so I asked our minister of music's wife Cereta to sing it for me. Thank you Cereta! You did  a beautiful job! "Need You Now" by Plumb is also a song that touches my heart. Neal played the song at a much lower key for me so I could reach the notes. I sang it in church Sunday morning. Here are the words.

Well, everybody's got a story to tell.

And everybody's got a wound to be healed.

I want to believe there's beauty here.

'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on.

I can't let go, I can't move on.

I want to believe there's meaning here.

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this?"

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan

Wondering how I go to where I am.

I'm trying to hear that still small voice.

I'm trying to hear above the noise.

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this?"

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

Though I walk, 

Though I Walk through the shadows

And I, I am so afraid.

Please stay, Please stay right beside me

With every single step I take.

How many times have you heard me cry out?

And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this?"

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

I need you now

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

I need you now.

I need you now.