Is Anybody Out There???

I've been in excruciating pain today. I've been battling headaches since I was 17 and I'm very tired of it. They are related to the Chiari Malformation that I had surgery for twice. No doctor has ever been able to find a medication that will relieve the pain. They can be quite debilitating. This poem came from that pain.

Is Anybody Out There???

Is anybody out there?

I hear myself cry.

I feel so alone

Under the great big sky.

I wait for an answer,

But there is none to hear.

So I ask again

And wait with much fear.

I cry out in agony

So tired of it all!

I cry out again

And beg with my call.

I hear a whisper

In all of my pain

"I'm here for you child;

You have much to gain."

I don't want to continue.

I'm so tired of this fight!

"Just wait for My summons.

You'll come Home one night."

But I'm in such pain!

I want to go Home!

"Not now," said the Father.

Not until I'm done.

"My plan is not complete.

When it is, I'll call.

For now, be patient.

It's only the Fall.

"Winter is coming 

 And then you'll be ready.

 But until that time comes,

 Remain slow and steady."

I know LORD, I know.

I know what You're saying.

You've promised great riches

So I'll just keep praying.

I don't like this burden.

I don't like it at all.

But for now, I'll be patient

And wait for Your call.

Your plan is perfect

I know deep down inside.

But when I'm dealing with such pain

I can't help but cry.

Your thoughts are much higher;

Your ways are more grand.

I just have to have faith

And continue to stand.

Today I'm not happy.

I'm not going to pretend.

But joy comes in the morning

And one Day it will end.

Then I'll be in Your presence.

What joy that will be!

I'll be at the feet of Jesus!

Oh how clear things will be!

You are so precious;

You are pure love.

I just have to claim it

By looking above.

Thank You for Your mercy.

Thank You for Your grace.

Thank You for allowing me

To one Day see Your Face.

Is Anybody out there?

Oh yes indeed!

My sweet Jesus is there

Living in me!

I woke up with a massive headache this morning. I do that a lot, especially on Saturday. I don't know if it's the culmination of the week's events, but it happens way too often. On this particular morning, I started feeling sorry for myself because I am simply tired of this whole experience. I'm tired because I've been dealing with headaches since I was 17 years old; I'm tired because I will endure some type of cancer treatment for the rest of my life; I'm simply tired. Then I started feeling guilty because there are plenty of others who have it so much worse. The experience of this life is so relative. No matter where we are, God cares about our circumstances and is always there to lift us up, just as He was for me this morning. He put this poem on my heart that I learned in junior high school. Yes, I said junior high. It wasn't middle school when I was growing up. (Many of you can relate to that!) It's one of my favorite poems and I used to recite it with my sweet Daddy. The second stanza is especially relevant. I hope it can help you as it did me.

A Psalm of Life

By HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

1807–1882

What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

   Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

   And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

   And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

   Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

   Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each to-morrow

   Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

   And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

   Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,

   In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

   Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

   Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

   Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

   We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

   Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

   Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

   Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

   With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

   Learn to labor and to wait.

Snow Day!

Snow day! Believe me when I say that teachers get just as excited as students. Especially when we learn that we probably won't have to make it up! Woo-hoo!! It's the little things...

Well, it's been a LONG time since I've posted. My scans continue to show no growth in the cancer, so I am now only receiving Zometa once every couple of months. I never thought I would get to this point. God is SOOOO good! I continue to receive Zometa because of the cancer that is on the bone. Cancer on the bone disrupts the healthy regeneration of bones and causes them to be compromised and vulnerable. Zometa can help prevent these complications. However, because it is treating the bone, I usually have a lot of bone pain after treatment. Now that my treatments are less frequent, I seem to be having more pain. I had a treatment last Thursday (today is Wednesday), and my bones still hurt. But praise God, I don't have to do this as often!

Thank you for your continued prayers. I know I can speak for so many others when I say that prayer works. I read about people everyday who are dealing with life's challenges. I really don't know how anyone makes it without faith in our Precious, Almighty Savior. He is worthy to be praised!