So Blessed

Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers. I haven't written in my blog in a while and thought this was the time.

I feel so blessed. When I stop to think about the cancer that I have, where it's located, and the usual prognosis with this type of cancer, I am humbled to think God is allowing me to remain here.

Humbled? Why humbled? He's not through with me! So many have passed with this diagnosis, yet here I am. He must want to use me in some capacity. I pray I will glorify Him, choose life, and allow His Spirit to permeate through me.

One part of going to UAB that is so challenging is seeing all of the people who are suffering. There are so many. The waiting room is always full of patients. There is just so much pain and suffering in this world. If only everyone could know the Answer that I know. God is so good. Yes, I have cancer. Yes, others have it too and many have problems astronomically larger than mine. Jesus provides such comfort and relief. There's just no way to adequately describe what He does for me and for all who have accepted Him as Savior. Yes, I struggle physically and emotionally as well; however, I have an inner peace that simply cannot be described. His love is so immense and no matter what I do or fail to do, He will not love me any more or less that what He does now. I can't disappoint Him because He already knows what I'm going to do. There are no surprises for Him. He's got me in the Palm of His Hands, and one day I'll get to touch those precious Hands! Oh what a day that will be! And oh how I love Jesus!

All is vanity and a chasing after wind

"All is vanity and a chasing after wind."
~ Ecclesiastes 1:14

I've come to really appreciate these words. When I was younger, I really didn't understand what they meant. But now, I think about the words we say and the things we post on social media. Even when I'm posting about how I'm feeling and asking for prayer--am I asking for His glory, or my own? I really want all I do and say to be for His glory, but I'm sure there are those who are reading this who think that I'm still after my own. Am I? I certainly hope not. This life is about Him, and I choose to glorify Him through it all. However, am I being vain by posting this in the first place? When I look deep inside, I really don't think I am. I don't want the focus to be on me; I want it on Him. I am no longer physically able to do a lot for Him, but I can speak up and let others know what He's done for me.

I've had a rough few days. I haven't been able to eat much and have been in pain. But He's got this. He is the maker of the universe and the master of all time. He already sees me as healed because I'm already there with Him in His realm of time. So for now, I must focus on that and continue to glorify Him. If the trials that I'm enduring in this life can bring one soul to Him, then it's oh so worth it. I really want everyone to know the joy I have in Him. There is no peace without Him. There is no joy without Him. Happiness is fleeting. It depends on circumstances. Joy is continual. He's got this. Joy doesn't just come in the morning; it's here today. We just have to know in Whom to find it.

"All is vanity and a chasing after wind."
How ridiculous to chase after the wind! There is no way to catch it, just as there is no way to satisfy our lives by chasing trivial things. We must run to Jesus. He's all there is.

Twenty Years and Counting...

June 25, 1998--the day I had my first cancer surgery. What reminded me of this fact was a memory that popped up on Facebook from 8 years ago.

"I just returned from my oncologist with the results of my PET/CT scan. There is an abnormality in my left lung and one near my tail bone. I'm having a biopsy Monday at 3:20 in Huntsville to determine whether or not it is cancer. Whatever the outcome, pray most that my response and attitude will glorify God."

Seeing this memory made me a bit melancholy. I proceeded to text Neal. He encouraged me by saying I had glorified Him. What an encouragement! That's when I realized today's date and sent him this text:

"It's also been 20 years today since I had the original cancer surgery. Coincidentally, it was also a Monday."

I continued in my downward spiral of sadness, but this was his response:

"So you are officially a 20 year cancer survivor."

And it hit me. Yes I am. I am a survivor. Since that original diagnosis, I've known several people who have started the battle and are survivors, but I've also known several who have started and finished. I know there's a reason why some of us are still here while others are not. It's really challenging for me to offer encouragement to someone who has lost a loved one to cancer. Why them and not me? I sometimes feel guilty that I'm here when their loved one isn't. Sound crazy? I guess that's another form of survivor's guilt.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate my husband in times like this. He's got my back like no one in this world does. He didn't know how much those nine words would mean to me: "So you are officially a 20 year cancer survivor." Yes, I am a survivor. Thanks be to God, I am a survivor. My main goal in this journey has always been to glorify Him. Oh, how He deserves that and so much more!!

I still take daily chemo pills to keep the tumors from growing. The side effects are not fun, but I'm still here. I could use some encouragement today. If you read this blog post in it's entirety, please offer a word of encouragement. Not only will it help me today, but I can come back and read it later. Here are some words of encouragement from His precious Word.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." ~ Joshua 1:9

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." ~ Hebrews 11:1

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:18

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14 "But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him." ~ Jeremiah 17:7

Symphony

As I look back over my life, I know that God has ALWAYS been there for me. Yes, I've had quite a few bumps in the road, but most of us have. Today, I'm suffering from one of my lovely headaches. Yay me. However, I know I'm blessed. It's REALLY easy to get down in the dumps when the pain is there, but I need to count my blessings. That's the only way I can get through it.

I was recently talking to a Facebook friend about the passing of her mother. Her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, it went in remission, returned to her bone and lungs last May, they think it progressed to her brain, and she passed in March. Sound familiar? I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998, it returned in 2010 to my bone and lung, spread to my brain in 2015, yet I'm still here. Why am I here while others with very similar conditions aren't? I don't know. But I know Who does, and I just have to trust in that. I have to trust that He uses each of us and the circumstances in which we find ourselves in very unique ways. I also know that may not provide much comfort to those who have lost loved ones to cancer or to anything else. They may ask "Why did You take _____ when You didn't take her?" and I get that. So many questions. Yet, He is the Potter and we are the clay. He is God and we are not. His thoughts and ways are SO much greater than ours. He knows EVERY little thing that is happening RIGHT NOW! Unbelievable! He's like a conductor of an orchestra. Some instruments sound okay by themselves, while others do not. However, when we put them all together, oh what a symphony that can be created! You and I are part of a TREMENDOUSLY large symphony and your part matters greatly. Without you, without me, the symphony wouldn't be the same. Even when we are no longer physically present in this world, our music continues to play. We have no idea how far our influence has reached.

So, even though I have no idea why this is happening to me or to others, I praise Him. I may not feel like it most of the time, but I have to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14

"But now, O LORD, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You are out potter; we are all the work of Your hand." ~ Isaiah 64:8

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." ~ John 14:27

My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?

I read a devotion this week that I want to share. It's taken from Psalm 22 and Mark 15:22-37. To get the most from this devotion, you should read this scripture. This devotion caused me to have a paradigm shift concerning the line from Mark 15:34 when Jesus says, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

"Devotional

The Cry of Vindication

By Al Hsu

When the Jesus film is screened in cultures that have never heard of Jesus, viewers often love the movie. But the crucifixion comes as an utter shock. Many audiences jump up and cry out in protest.

The crucifixion of Jesus has always been profoundly disturbing. For me, what’s most troubling is not the unjust trial, how the crowd turns against Jesus, or how his disciples abandon him. The most troubling part is one line. Mark 15:34: “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) This line horrifies me. It calls into question the very nature of God. Is God the kind of God that turns his back on his Son?

Here’s the key biblical insight that changed how I read this passage. It’s a simple historical fact about how Israelites cited their Scriptures. The way they referenced a passage was to quote it, especially the first line. So when Jesus said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” he expected his hearers to catch the literary allusion to Psalm 22 and to think of the whole psalm: “[I am] scorned by everyone. . . . All who see me mock me . . . . All my bones are out of joint. . . . They divide my clothing among them and cast lots for my garment” (vv. 6, 7, 14, 18).

Is Jesus saying “I have been forsaken by God”? No. He’s saying, “Today Psalm 22 is fulfilled in your hearing. I am the embodiment of this psalm.” Psalm 22 is not a psalm of forsakenness. It starts out that way, but it shifts to confidence in God’s deliverance: “For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help” (v. 24).

Jesus is declaring: “Right now, you are witnessing Psalm 22. I seem forsaken right now, but my death is not the end of the story. God has not despised my suffering. I will be vindicated. The Lord has heard my cry. Because death is not the end. ‘Future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it!’ ” (vv. 30–31).

Al Hsu is senior editor for IVP books at InterVarsity Press."