Emotions--Can We Trust Them?

I'm having a tough day. I'm an emotional wreck. For one thing, I miss Rachel. Even though we don't normally see each other, I know that I can get to her if I need to. Not now. She's over 7,000 miles away. I hesitate to print this because I know she will probably read it and know how much I miss her. She's a little homesick too. I thank God for facetime as we've already used it several times. Technology can truly be amazing.

I'm also back to facing my mortality. I haven't thought about it much lately since I've been so busy. For one thing, I've become an Usborne Books & More consultant and that has truly been a blessing. It's kept my mind occupied and my fingers busy. The books are quite educational and it helps me to "somewhat" stay in the educational process. I can do it all via Facebook or I couldn't do it at all. Again, technology can be amazing.

I've also been concentrating on Lucy's debut. I'm SO excited about becoming a grandmother! It wasn't too long ago that I was afraid that I might not ever meet any of my grandchildren. Well, low and behold, Miss Lucy is almost here! I'm going to get to meet my progeny! God is SOOO good!! I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it! David Thompson, I love you and I thank you and Eva SO much for granting me this incredible blessing!

Back to facing my mortality. It's a challenge and I'm not going to deny it. I want Lucy to remember me. I want to be around long enough to become a part of her long-term memory. I'm reminded of how my niece and nephew were each six when my sister passed away. They are 15 and 16 now and are starting to forget her, and they don't want to. It just happens. Their dad has done a remarkable job of keeping her memory alive and I've started sharing memories with them, but they can't help it. It just happens.

I need you to pray for me. I need you to pray for my emotional and physical healing. What TRULY amazes me is that the Holy Spirit prays for me, especially when I don't know how to pray for myself. He is SO amazing. Why does He take the time to pray for little insignificant me? I have no idea. But He does, and I am SO grateful!

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. [Too deep for words! Can you imagine?!] And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:26-28 ESV

(Emphasis mine; [comment] mine.)

Waiting Game

Well, part of the waiting is over but part is just beginning. I went back to UAB today for an MRI and doctor appointment. The tumor in the back of my head on the left has shrunk, but the one on the right has grown. My doctor is going to present my case to a team of neuro-oncologists and they will discuss a plan for me next Tuesday. He told me there are several good options for me, including an additional chemo pill and more radiosurgery. He wants to try to wait until at least November to do the radiosurgery so the surgeries will be a year apart. There are also potential clinical trials for which I might be a candidate. He will call me back as soon as he knows anything, and I'll probably go back to UAB in a couple of weeks to discuss a plan.

I honestly felt like today was going to be good news. I have felt better lately. Yes, I've had headaches but I've had those since I was 17 because of the Chiari. I haven't been sick lately, and that was the indicator that something was wrong before. I think today was probably the first time that I have been surprised by the news. All of the other times, I felt like something was wrong. Today took me by surprise and it upset me more. I guess I've had so much going on lately that I haven't had time to sit and think. My Rachel is half way around the world (it's 8:14 pm in AL on Wednesday, while it's 10:14 am in South Korea on Thursday), and my granddaughter Lucy will be here any day. So. Many. Emotions!!

Yes, it's time to wait and see again. Just like before, please don't forget to remember me and pray. God is in control.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." ~ James 5:16