Everybody's got a story to tell. I had the privilege of sharing a portion of mine at church Sunday morning. I will attempt to recount what I shared at church here.
About 3 1/2 years ago I got sick with what I thought was a cold, but it just wouldn't go away. Eventually, I lost my voice and thought it was just laryngitis but it didn't get any better. I went to an ENT and he couldn't figure out what was going on either. He ran a series of tests and finally told me that I had a paralyzed vocal cord and it may or may not get better. My brain might heal the cord and it might not. Only time would tell. So for about 1 1/2 year I could barely speak, but it started healing. I still don't have full use of it. I can't sing like I used to. I can't reach notes that I used to, and I can't talk very loudly but I can talk. I'm quite thankful that God chose to give my voice back to me!
About 3 1/2 years ago I got sick with what I thought was a cold, but it just wouldn't go away. Eventually, I lost my voice and thought it was just laryngitis but it didn't get any better. I went to an ENT and he couldn't figure out what was going on either. He ran a series of tests and finally told me that I had a paralyzed vocal cord and it may or may not get better. My brain might heal the cord and it might not. Only time would tell. So for about 1 1/2 year I could barely speak, but it started healing. I still don't have full use of it. I can't sing like I used to. I can't reach notes that I used to, and I can't talk very loudly but I can talk. I'm quite thankful that God chose to give my voice back to me!
Not long after I initially lost my voice, I had my yearly oncology visit. Back in 1998, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through a year of treatments and had been in remission since that time. During this oncology visit in 2010, I expressed concern about some things that were going on. My doctor did some tests and found a couple of spots that were concerning to her. I went through a lot of tests that summer which finally led to the fact that the cancer had returned in my bones and my lung. By now, I was seeing a breast cancer specialist in Birmingham. She told me it was stage four metastatic breast cancer and could not be cured, so I asked her how long I had. She said that with my history and the fact that the lesions were so small, I could have 10-15 years. That at least gives me an idea of what she thinks I have to work with. I know, however, that I could die tomorrow or I could live to be 100; it's all up to God.
Does it matter that I have cancer? Not really. What matters is how I respond to it. I often tell my 9th and 10th grade small group that 100 years from now it won't matter what happened to you. What matters is how you respond to it. Even now, it doesn't matter to someone whom I don't know that I have cancer. But what if my response leads someone else to wonder how I can respond to my situation like I do. Several of you have told me that you don't know how I do it--that you know you wouldn't be able to handle it like I do. You are absolutely right. YOU can't, but God can. I have to let Him take control. If an unsaved person I encounter comes to know Christ as a result of my response to this situation, then it's all worth it. That person could then share with the person I don't know who could get saved and then become a missionary somewhere on the other side of the world. Our responses to our situations matter.
Think of Job. The story isn't just about Job and what happened to him. The story is about how he handles the situation, and it is also about how his family and friends handle the situation. I am so blessed to have a husband who has been right there beside me every step of the way. I also have friends who have stepped up to help or to just offer encouraging words. Read the story again. Put yourself in Job's shoes, his wife's shoes, and his friends' shoes. How would you have responded? I'm not facing anything like Job faced, but I would like to think that through God I have made a difference.
However, I don't want you to think that I face this battle without question. Yes, today I feel quite blessed and privileged that God has chosen me to walk this path. Tomorrow, I might feel differently. This road is tough. Sometimes I feel quite alone and forgotten. It's been three years. By those calculations, the world would now say I have 7-12 years left. There again, it could be tomorrow or I could live to be 100. God knew from before the beginning of time just how many days I would have here on this Earth. I'm not afraid of death. I know my destination. It's just the getting there that frightens me. What about you? If you were to be diagnosed with a dreadful disease or if someone you love were to be diagnosed, how would you handle it? Is Christ at the center of your life?
"Blessings" by Laura Story has become a song that I treasure, but I still can't reach many of the notes (even if I sing it at a lower key) so I asked our minister of music's wife Cereta to sing it for me. Thank you Cereta! You did a beautiful job! "Need You Now" by Plumb is also a song that touches my heart. Neal played the song at a much lower key for me so I could reach the notes. I sang it in church Sunday morning. Here are the words.
Well, everybody's got a story to tell.
And everybody's got a wound to be healed.
I want to believe there's beauty here.
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on.
I can't let go, I can't move on.
I want to believe there's meaning here.
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I go to where I am.
I'm trying to hear that still small voice.
I'm trying to hear above the noise.
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Though I walk,
Though I Walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid.
Please stay, Please stay right beside me
With every single step I take.
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now.
I need you now.
