The day after...

I'm not feeling well today. I went to school but probably shouldn't have. I took it as easy as I could. I am quite blessed to be a gifted teacher so I don't have students all day long. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy teaching my students, but I need rest after a treatment. Students don't exactly allow you to rest! The teachers with whom I work are good about allowing me to cancel my classes if I'm not feeling well, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've done this. Since I am the lead gifted specialist in our system, I don't have classes on Friday because I have a lot of "lead" responsibilities to take care of. Today is Friday, so it works out well that I usually have treatments on Thursday. Just keep me in your prayers. God is so good, but I am so tired.

Fulfillment

I have a treatment tomorrow. Pooh! I don't enjoy them! I'm very thankful for the medicine that is prolonging my life, but it does get old traveling to Birmingham every three weeks. Neal is so wonderful. He helps me make the best of it. He makes that trek with me each time, and we always stop by Chick-Fil-A on the way home so I can get a strawberry milkshake. I've been going to UAB to receive cancer treatments for over two years now, and I can count on one hand the number of times he hasn't gone. We both feel so strange if he does not go. He's my life partner and he's always been there for me. I was having health problems before we even married and had to have major surgery two years after we married. He's always been by my side to support me and I love him dearly. There aren't too many people who really mean those vows when they marry. When the going gets tough, the not so tough often get going. Not him. He loves me like no one else in this world ever has or could. I am so thankful for my sweet husband and I love him dearly. God did not give me cancer. He allowed it to happen to fulfill His purpose. He has taken care of me through it all, and one of the ways is by giving me the husband that I have. I am truly a blessed woman. LORD, just please help me to remember to look for You in everything and to know that this is Your will so that I can fulfill Your plan.

Feeling Good!

I just thought everyone would like to know that I've been feeling good the last couple of days. Sometimes I feel like I mostly post when I'm feeling bad, so I wanted you to know that I have good days too! God is good!

Spoon theory

I found this article and wanted to share it. It explains how I feel a lot.

http://www.pdfdownload.org/pdf2html/pdf2html.php?url=http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf&images=yes

Blessings

"God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything." This is what was on my daily calendar today. Wow. Sometimes I don't feel blessed. I have cancer. I've been in a lot of pain since my treatment Monday. I started hurting a few days before the treatment, and I think the Zometa has intensified the pain. It's for my bones but often causes soreness and flu-like symptoms for a few days after the treatment. The pain is mainly in my neck and shoulder blades. It feels like the pain from the Chiari surgeries I had in 1988 and 2001. Those surgeries were on my head and neck. I was having trouble with double vision, headaches, and my equilibrium. I still have trouble with those things, but the surgeries helped to slow the progress down. I guess that's another blog post altogether if you want to know more about it.

The thing is, I don't always feel blessed, but I know I am. "God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything." That's a powerful statement. Blessings can come in many ways. We can be blessed by waking up late, which may keep us from being in an awful accident on the way to work; we can be blessed by having a job that we can't stand, but it puts us in contact with people who don't have Jesus; and we can be blessed with cancer so we can appreciate life even more. Sometimes it's a challenge to appreciate life when you're in pain and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I do. I appreciate the fact that I get to see the autumn leaves on the trees; that I get to talk to my children about their lives; that I have a husband who loves me and supports me throughout everything; and that I have been blessed with an avenue to reach out to so many. God did not give me cancer, but He allowed it to happen. Why? I don't know except that so many of you are so wonderful and have told me how much my faith, courage, and strength means to you. Believe me, I do not feel courageous or strong, and I don't have enough faith to fill a thimble, but I know God takes care of me every single day. One day He'll bring me home and my faith will be complete.  

I want to share the words to a song that has become so meaningful to me. It's called "Blessings" by Laura Story. Check it out on YouTube.

                                                             "Blessings"

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I had planned to post a few days ago about the good news that I received at the doctor's office this week, but I've been hurting so much that I just haven't. I had another CT scan, and it showed that the cancer is stable. My doctor took me off the daily chemo pills three weeks ago because of the fatigue that I have and the fact the the skin around my nails is splitting and bleeding. She said since the disease has been stable, now is a good time to take a break from the chemo. I'm still getting the Herceptin and Zometa treatments every three weeks, but I just won't take the chemo pills for a while. I'll certainly keep you abreast of the situation. God is so good. He is faithful all the way through thick and thin. Don't ever forget that--no matter what you are dealing with. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine.

Oh, the Lessons We Learn...

God is SO amazing! He shows up even in the smallest of matters! But aren't all of our circumstances small in the grand scheme of things?

I received a sweet text from my precious daughter-in-law Eva at about 2:30 reminding me of David's big test at 3:30. I didn't get a chance to pray like I wanted to at that moment since I was at school and things were demanding my attention. However, I prayed all the way home. He revealed so many things to me during that drive. Don't you just love Holy Communion with our Heavenly Father? He is just so awesome!! I prayed really hard that He would reveal the answers to David. That He would bring his knowledge to the forefront of his mind and that He would guide his hand and his mind to answer the questions in the manner in which his professor expects. I prayed for Rachel. She's having the issues that all freshmen at big universities have. I prayed for Eva and for Him to guide her to be who He wants her to be. I prayed for Neal and all that he has to deal with every day. God has blessed me so much. I have an absolutely wonderful family who loves me dearly. I can't fathom why He loves me so much and why He has provided me with so much. I am blessed beyond measure. We are all such specks of dust in this universe, yet He loves us as if we ARE the universe. Take a look around you. Every single person you see who cuts you off on the road, who is rude to you in the supermarket, who doesn't seem to care about anything but themselves is loved by the Creator of the universe and He desperately wants them to love Him. Why? I have no idea. It simply blows my mind. But we are to love them to Him. What a challenge!

I've been feeling really down lately. I've been spending too much time looking at poor Cindy's circumstances. I don't like the fact that there is no end in sight in this life for these cancer treatments. I know that I will go to sleep and wake up one day in Heaven, but I don't look forward to the suffering that I will probably have to face until that day occurs. Sometimes, I just need a simple text from a sweet soul to remind me that I am still needed. Prayer is a mighty thing. The very idea that we are allowed to approach the throne of the Creator of the universe is mind-boggling to say the least. Our God is so awesome. Thank You for giving Eva the nudge to send me that simple text and reminding me that You are not finished with me yet. Oh, how I love Jesus!!!

Back in Session!

Well, school is certainly back in session! The adderall was helping at first. When school resumed, my energy level was really high. I was able to do things that I needed to do and it was great. By about 3:00 each day the medication had worn off, but I had mostly completed the day anyway so I was good with that. However, this week has been different. I don't know if it's because I've been at it a while again or what, but I'm tired again. Not as much, but I still don't have the energy that I would like to have. My back has been hurting again this week and I'm having trouble focusing. Of course, I did have a treatment last week so that could be the problem. As Dori from Finding Nemo would probably say, "Just keep praying. Just keep praying!" Next week will probably be much better! God is so good!

Rachel's at Alabama and doing well. I miss her greatly but I know she has to grow up and move on. She's experiencing those typical college trials that most of us endured, but she's going to do just fine. David and Eva are doing well also. The newlyweds are loving every minute of their lives together, as true newlyweds do.

I have a new prayer request. This has been going on for about six months but I just haven't mentioned it in my blog. One of the side effects of the chemo is extremely dry skin to the point of splitting. I keep my skin moisturized and most of my skin is fine, but I'm having problems around my big toes. All of the moisturizer that I'm putting on them just isn't helping. The skin is not only splitting around them, but  some of the skin has also peeled off, and they are bleeding and swelling. The left toe doesn't bleed as much but it is more sensitive than the other one. The right one bleeds and swells a lot more. I've had more trouble with it for a longer period of time, so I can't help but wonder if I've lost some feeling in it and that is why it's not nearly as sensitive as the left one. I've had trouble with my fingers as well, but just not to that extent. I had trouble with my left thumb swelling and bleeding for a while, but it has improved. The tips of my fingers are sensitive, especially when I need to use tape a lot such as when I'm trying to put up  a bulletin board. I've been fortunate in that this has been going on in the summer when I can wear open-toed shoes. Just pray that my feet will get better when I need to start wearing closed-toed shoes. I guess this is just what two years of chemo will do to you! But hey, I'm still here! God's not through with me in this world yet!

"For we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~ II Corinthians 4:8