I'm having a tough day. I'm an emotional wreck. For one thing, I miss Rachel. Even though we don't normally see each other, I know that I can get to her if I need to. Not now. She's over 7,000 miles away. I hesitate to print this because I know she will probably read it and know how much I miss her. She's a little homesick too. I thank God for facetime as we've already used it several times. Technology can truly be amazing.
I'm also back to facing my mortality. I haven't thought about it much lately since I've been so busy. For one thing, I've become an Usborne Books & More consultant and that has truly been a blessing. It's kept my mind occupied and my fingers busy. The books are quite educational and it helps me to "somewhat" stay in the educational process. I can do it all via Facebook or I couldn't do it at all. Again, technology can be amazing.
I've also been concentrating on Lucy's debut. I'm SO excited about becoming a grandmother! It wasn't too long ago that I was afraid that I might not ever meet any of my grandchildren. Well, low and behold, Miss Lucy is almost here! I'm going to get to meet my progeny! God is SOOO good!! I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it! David Thompson, I love you and I thank you and Eva SO much for granting me this incredible blessing!
Back to facing my mortality. It's a challenge and I'm not going to deny it. I want Lucy to remember me. I want to be around long enough to become a part of her long-term memory. I'm reminded of how my niece and nephew were each six when my sister passed away. They are 15 and 16 now and are starting to forget her, and they don't want to. It just happens. Their dad has done a remarkable job of keeping her memory alive and I've started sharing memories with them, but they can't help it. It just happens.
I need you to pray for me. I need you to pray for my emotional and physical healing. What TRULY amazes me is that the Holy Spirit prays for me, especially when I don't know how to pray for myself. He is SO amazing. Why does He take the time to pray for little insignificant me? I have no idea. But He does, and I am SO grateful!
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. [Too deep for words! Can you imagine?!] And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:26-28 ESV
(Emphasis mine; [comment] mine.)
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Waiting Game
Well, part of the waiting is over but part is just beginning. I went back to UAB today for an MRI and doctor appointment. The tumor in the back of my head on the left has shrunk, but the one on the right has grown. My doctor is going to present my case to a team of neuro-oncologists and they will discuss a plan for me next Tuesday. He told me there are several good options for me, including an additional chemo pill and more radiosurgery. He wants to try to wait until at least November to do the radiosurgery so the surgeries will be a year apart. There are also potential clinical trials for which I might be a candidate. He will call me back as soon as he knows anything, and I'll probably go back to UAB in a couple of weeks to discuss a plan.
I honestly felt like today was going to be good news. I have felt better lately. Yes, I've had headaches but I've had those since I was 17 because of the Chiari. I haven't been sick lately, and that was the indicator that something was wrong before. I think today was probably the first time that I have been surprised by the news. All of the other times, I felt like something was wrong. Today took me by surprise and it upset me more. I guess I've had so much going on lately that I haven't had time to sit and think. My Rachel is half way around the world (it's 8:14 pm in AL on Wednesday, while it's 10:14 am in South Korea on Thursday), and my granddaughter Lucy will be here any day. So. Many. Emotions!!
Yes, it's time to wait and see again. Just like before, please don't forget to remember me and pray. God is in control.
"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." ~ James 5:16
I honestly felt like today was going to be good news. I have felt better lately. Yes, I've had headaches but I've had those since I was 17 because of the Chiari. I haven't been sick lately, and that was the indicator that something was wrong before. I think today was probably the first time that I have been surprised by the news. All of the other times, I felt like something was wrong. Today took me by surprise and it upset me more. I guess I've had so much going on lately that I haven't had time to sit and think. My Rachel is half way around the world (it's 8:14 pm in AL on Wednesday, while it's 10:14 am in South Korea on Thursday), and my granddaughter Lucy will be here any day. So. Many. Emotions!!
Yes, it's time to wait and see again. Just like before, please don't forget to remember me and pray. God is in control.
"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." ~ James 5:16
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Not the best news, but not the worst
Well, the wait begins again. As a cancer survivor, (and yes, I may not "technically" be considered a cancer survivor because I'm not in remission or cancer free, but I am a survivor!), we spend a lot of time hurrying up and waiting. Hurry to our appointments; wait to be seen. Hurry to have tests; wait for results. Hurry to listen to the doctor; wait for another appointment for more tests. That's where I am now. I had an MRI yesterday. The cancer lesions in my brain that were radiated in November have grown. Now, that sounds bad, but it might not be. It's either tumor growth, or swelling from the radiosurgery. I will go back in a month for another MRI to see if there has been any change. This particular type of MRI should show if the blood vessels surrounding the lesions have a larger blood supply. If so, then it's probably cancerous. If not, then it's probably not. They also want to wait a month to see if there is additional growth. The doctors believe that it is probably swelling due to the radiosurgery, but they won't know without the additional MRI. The MRI report stated, "Although tumor progression cannot be ruled out, the findings are felt to be related to treatment-related changes." Regardless, we have to wait. And waiting causes you to think. And thinking causes you to enter realms where cancer patients sometimes travel. Facing mortality.
"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are yours ways My ways,' declares the LORD. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" ~ Isaiah 55:8-9
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" ~ Jeremiah 29:11
God has a plan. I have to wait on it. Is it challenging to wait? You bet your sweet patooty it is! But I don't have a choice. I have a granddaughter on the way. I have to believe she'll have her paternal grandmother there for her. If not and my time is up, then I'll wake up in the Arms of Jesus. Not to worry. I'm not giving up. Not until the curtain is drawn. But when it is, I'll be free! Free to live again! Free to run and dance and sing! Oh what a wonderful Day that will be! Oh how I love my sweet Jesus! Yes, I want to be here to see my granddaughter grow into the beautiful young woman I know she will be, but don't anyone think for a minute that I will miss out on anything. I want to be here with my family, and I want to be here for my family. If you know me, then you know how much my family means to me. One thing that hurts when I think of my demise is knowing how it will hurt them, but I guess that's the way it is for a lot of people. I love my family dearly, but they can't compare with my sweet Jesus. Oh what a Day that will be! "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." ~ Philippians 1:21
It may sound like I'm giving up, but I'm not. I'm choosing to believe it's just swelling, but I am human and those thoughts of mortality are mean and they do enter the picture. I am a fighter and I know Who is ultimately in control. If I am to stay here and work for Him a little longer, then so be it; if I am to leave this world and enter the next, then so be it. As a Christian, I am not scared of death. The process of dying is not a topic of endearment, however. It's not pleasant to think about how most of us suffer during that process, but it's just for a season.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ~ John 14:27
"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5b
My biggest prayer is that you will all have that peace and that joy.
"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are yours ways My ways,' declares the LORD. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" ~ Isaiah 55:8-9
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" ~ Jeremiah 29:11
God has a plan. I have to wait on it. Is it challenging to wait? You bet your sweet patooty it is! But I don't have a choice. I have a granddaughter on the way. I have to believe she'll have her paternal grandmother there for her. If not and my time is up, then I'll wake up in the Arms of Jesus. Not to worry. I'm not giving up. Not until the curtain is drawn. But when it is, I'll be free! Free to live again! Free to run and dance and sing! Oh what a wonderful Day that will be! Oh how I love my sweet Jesus! Yes, I want to be here to see my granddaughter grow into the beautiful young woman I know she will be, but don't anyone think for a minute that I will miss out on anything. I want to be here with my family, and I want to be here for my family. If you know me, then you know how much my family means to me. One thing that hurts when I think of my demise is knowing how it will hurt them, but I guess that's the way it is for a lot of people. I love my family dearly, but they can't compare with my sweet Jesus. Oh what a Day that will be! "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." ~ Philippians 1:21
It may sound like I'm giving up, but I'm not. I'm choosing to believe it's just swelling, but I am human and those thoughts of mortality are mean and they do enter the picture. I am a fighter and I know Who is ultimately in control. If I am to stay here and work for Him a little longer, then so be it; if I am to leave this world and enter the next, then so be it. As a Christian, I am not scared of death. The process of dying is not a topic of endearment, however. It's not pleasant to think about how most of us suffer during that process, but it's just for a season.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ~ John 14:27
"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5b
My biggest prayer is that you will all have that peace and that joy.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
My Life is a Whirlwind
I haven't blogged in a while. I've thought about it, but I just haven't done it. I've had many ups and downs since my last blog. I've been extremely sick at times, and I have felt really good at times. I never know how each day will be. Oh, I know. None of us really know what each day will bring; however, I can feel really good one day, really bad the next, and okay the next. Each day, each moment brings surprises. It's quite challenging to plan for anything. When plans are made, those involved know that I might have to cancel at the last minute. For example, a few weeks ago, I called my Mama to see if she was up for a visit. Within a few seconds after asking her, I got sick and had to tell her I couldn't come. I thank God for extremely flexible family and friends who know that I might have to bail at the last minute.
I go back to the doctor next Monday, July 18. I will have an MRI that morning followed by visits to two different oncologists. I've always dreaded these visits, but now there's always that dread that there might be another brain tumor. I know God's got this and I don't even think about it most of the time, but as the UAB visit approaches, that nagging question is there. Is it a lack of faith? Of course it is. But I'm human and the concern is still there. It's really interesting how each time I was told that I had a new tumor, I was able to remain calm. And that, my friend, is God. He has comforted me so much during these times. I think one of the biggest problems we humans have is facing the unknown. When we finally receive a "label," we might not like it but it makes sense.
I know most of you go about your daily lives and don't think to pray for me, and I get it. I really do. As Kevin said in Home Alone 2--you don't forget me, you forget to remember me. Please try not to forget to remember me and pray for me. I appreciate each one.
"Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." ~ Luke 18:1
And the really challenging one--
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Wow. Now that's a tough one!
I go back to the doctor next Monday, July 18. I will have an MRI that morning followed by visits to two different oncologists. I've always dreaded these visits, but now there's always that dread that there might be another brain tumor. I know God's got this and I don't even think about it most of the time, but as the UAB visit approaches, that nagging question is there. Is it a lack of faith? Of course it is. But I'm human and the concern is still there. It's really interesting how each time I was told that I had a new tumor, I was able to remain calm. And that, my friend, is God. He has comforted me so much during these times. I think one of the biggest problems we humans have is facing the unknown. When we finally receive a "label," we might not like it but it makes sense.
I know most of you go about your daily lives and don't think to pray for me, and I get it. I really do. As Kevin said in Home Alone 2--you don't forget me, you forget to remember me. Please try not to forget to remember me and pray for me. I appreciate each one.
"Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." ~ Luke 18:1
And the really challenging one--
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Wow. Now that's a tough one!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
My Heart is Full
Tuesday, March 1 was my first official day of retirement. I miss my students, but I am feeling better. I'm more rested and can do things at my leisure. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me now because He does have a plan for me. I trust Him and I know He will do great and mighty things through me if I will let Him. "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" ~ Jeremiah 29:11.
Last week was so full. Thursday, the fantabulous gifted education specialists in Madison County had a retirement celebration for me. They showered me with gifts and tangled a C for me. (Zentangle art is a specific type of art that we learned at one of our gifted conferences. We started creating pieces with our students, and they love it.) I am going to miss collaborating with these ladies!
Friday, the Monrovia faculty also sent me off in style with a retirement celebration. They honored me with gifts and lots of love. I know I probably didn't seem to appreciate it very much, but I've never been comfortable when a lot of attention is placed on me. However, I appreciated it IMMENSELY and will miss you all so much!
Finally, many current and former parents and students celebrated with me after the faculty send-off. I was SO amazed at the number of people who came! Students and parents started arriving at about 4:15 and I didn't get home until around 7:00! They just kept coming! They all stood in line to speak to me. I took my time speaking to each student, and the rest waited patiently. I just can't get over how many came! They all wrote notes to me and put them in a scrapbook. Many brought other gifts as well. One mom even made a beautiful quilt for me. When I say my heart is full, I mean it. If anything, it's overflowing.
Yes, this was MY celebration, but it could have been any teacher's who has given his or her time, love, and talents to the precious students under his or her tutelage. The media concentrates WAY too much time on teachers that have a negative impact on the lives of their students. Let me emphasize that this is usually NOT the case. We don't go into education so we can devote all of that time to something for which we don't have a passion. We simply don't get paid enough for that. Most people don't see the extra time and effort we put into all that we do. We take our work home with us and spend a lot of time working at home as well. Even when we aren't planning our lessons or writing curriculum (which we gifted specialists have to do), we are answering emails or praying over our students. We are passionate about education and love our students. They become OUR children. When they move on, we still wonder how they are doing and cherish letters and emails we receive from them when they let us know how life is treating them. I still wonder about students I had during my first year. I was teaching high school and these "children" would be in their mid to late 40s now!
For all that have been a part of my 22 years of teaching, whether students, parents, or teachers, I thank you. I thank you for helping me to develop into the person I am today. I thank you for sharing a portion of your lives with me. I thank you for allowing me to enter into your lives, even if for a brief moment in time, to share experiences with you. I am who I am because of the influence you have had on me. Each person who enters our lives shapes us in some way. I love and thank you all so very much. God has truly been good to me.
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
The season of my life of being a public school teacher has come and gone. What does God have in store for me now? Only He knows, but it's going to be good.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." ~ Romans 8:28
Amen and amen!!
Last week was so full. Thursday, the fantabulous gifted education specialists in Madison County had a retirement celebration for me. They showered me with gifts and tangled a C for me. (Zentangle art is a specific type of art that we learned at one of our gifted conferences. We started creating pieces with our students, and they love it.) I am going to miss collaborating with these ladies!
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| Tangled C |
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| Gift card tree |
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| Neal, Rachel, me, Eva, and David with Mrs. Long photobombing :) |
Finally, many current and former parents and students celebrated with me after the faculty send-off. I was SO amazed at the number of people who came! Students and parents started arriving at about 4:15 and I didn't get home until around 7:00! They just kept coming! They all stood in line to speak to me. I took my time speaking to each student, and the rest waited patiently. I just can't get over how many came! They all wrote notes to me and put them in a scrapbook. Many brought other gifts as well. One mom even made a beautiful quilt for me. When I say my heart is full, I mean it. If anything, it's overflowing.
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| The scrapbook |
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| Just one of the many notes |
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| A student's tangle for me |
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| The quilt--a picture can't do it justice! |
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| A portion of the quilt |
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| Some flowers I received in my favorite color |
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| Former students--9th-12th grades |
For all that have been a part of my 22 years of teaching, whether students, parents, or teachers, I thank you. I thank you for helping me to develop into the person I am today. I thank you for sharing a portion of your lives with me. I thank you for allowing me to enter into your lives, even if for a brief moment in time, to share experiences with you. I am who I am because of the influence you have had on me. Each person who enters our lives shapes us in some way. I love and thank you all so very much. God has truly been good to me.
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
The season of my life of being a public school teacher has come and gone. What does God have in store for me now? Only He knows, but it's going to be good.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." ~ Romans 8:28
Amen and amen!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
So Undeserving!
SO. MUCH. GOOD. NEWS!!!!
God is SOOOOO good!!! Praise God through Whom ALL blessings flow!!! First and foremost, I'm going to be a Grandmother!!! Yes, I know you have probably already read it on Facebook or in an email, but I don't care! I'm so excited! A new life. Wow! For the last three generations on Neal's side, his mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother did not live to see their grandchildren. With all that has happened with me, that was certainly a concern. I certainly hope to change that cycle. Even Neal's step-mother did not live to know her grandchildren. She saw her first grandchild, but unfortunately passed away a couple of weeks after he was born. I am one happy lady!!
Secondly, I received more really good news yesterday. The MRI showed that there are no new tumors in the brain, and the ones that were zapped by the radiosurgery are shrinking! Yay me!!! I can't hardly contain myself. Did I mention that God is SOOOOO good!!!!
A new chapter. A new definition of me. Retired Gifted Education Specialist. But mostly, GRANDMOTHER!!!
God is SOOOOO good!!! Praise God through Whom ALL blessings flow!!! First and foremost, I'm going to be a Grandmother!!! Yes, I know you have probably already read it on Facebook or in an email, but I don't care! I'm so excited! A new life. Wow! For the last three generations on Neal's side, his mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother did not live to see their grandchildren. With all that has happened with me, that was certainly a concern. I certainly hope to change that cycle. Even Neal's step-mother did not live to know her grandchildren. She saw her first grandchild, but unfortunately passed away a couple of weeks after he was born. I am one happy lady!!
Secondly, I received more really good news yesterday. The MRI showed that there are no new tumors in the brain, and the ones that were zapped by the radiosurgery are shrinking! Yay me!!! I can't hardly contain myself. Did I mention that God is SOOOOO good!!!!
A new chapter. A new definition of me. Retired Gifted Education Specialist. But mostly, GRANDMOTHER!!!
"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
He's rejoicing over me with singing right now! Can you believe it? The Creator of the Universe is rejoicing with me! He saved me; He often quiets me with His love; and now He rejoices with me! I am SO undeserving, yet He does it anyway. My God is SOOO good!!!
A New Definition
(Written February 13, 2016)
Thursday, February 4, 2016 marked the last day I will ever teach in a public school classroom. It was quite emotional. Since then I have been completing a lot of paperwork pertaining to my retirement. I've been busy with that and haven't had time to really think about the aforementioned fact. But let's concentrate on the positives.
1. I didn't have to worry about whether or not schools would be closed this week because of snow. That was nice!
2. I have more time for me. Time to do things that I rarely had time for before. Movies, theater, volunteering, and girl stuff!
3. Neal and I can travel when school's in session. We plan to go places that we've always wanted to explore. Israel is at the top of the list.
4. I will have more time for my personal children and eventually grandchildren. Oh what a day that will be!
5. I can do things when I feel like it and not when I have to. When I was teaching, I didn't feel like doing anything after school or on the weekends. I was usually extremely tired or had a bad headache. I haven't had a really bad headache since the last day I taught, and I haven't been as tired. Yes, I'm fatigued. but nothing like before.
6. Hopefully, the extra rest will help my body fight this cursed disease.
7. I can spend more time with my Savior. When your body hurts as bad as mine often does, reading and studying is just not in the cards. When I have a really bad headache, my eyes hurt and I have trouble concentrating. But I don't want to just read and study; I want to do. I want to walk with Him as we minister to others. I don't know what that will look like, but I know He has a plan and will reveal it to me in time.
So, like I said before, this isn't the end; it's only the beginning. The beginning to a new definition of me. For the last 14 years, I have been Cindy Thompson, Gifted Teacher; prior to that, I was Cindy Thompson, Pampered Chef Kitchen Consultant/Director; and prior to that, I was Cindy Thompson, Math teacher. All during that time, I've been wife and Mom--two absolutely cherished roles. Those roles have been granted to me by my Savior. I'm so thankful that those roles will always be a part of my life. They are a part of my definition, but they do not complete my definition. My Jesus completes me. He will provide a new definition of me that will knock my socks off. He always does.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
Thursday, February 4, 2016 marked the last day I will ever teach in a public school classroom. It was quite emotional. Since then I have been completing a lot of paperwork pertaining to my retirement. I've been busy with that and haven't had time to really think about the aforementioned fact. But let's concentrate on the positives.
1. I didn't have to worry about whether or not schools would be closed this week because of snow. That was nice!
2. I have more time for me. Time to do things that I rarely had time for before. Movies, theater, volunteering, and girl stuff!
3. Neal and I can travel when school's in session. We plan to go places that we've always wanted to explore. Israel is at the top of the list.
4. I will have more time for my personal children and eventually grandchildren. Oh what a day that will be!
5. I can do things when I feel like it and not when I have to. When I was teaching, I didn't feel like doing anything after school or on the weekends. I was usually extremely tired or had a bad headache. I haven't had a really bad headache since the last day I taught, and I haven't been as tired. Yes, I'm fatigued. but nothing like before.
6. Hopefully, the extra rest will help my body fight this cursed disease.
7. I can spend more time with my Savior. When your body hurts as bad as mine often does, reading and studying is just not in the cards. When I have a really bad headache, my eyes hurt and I have trouble concentrating. But I don't want to just read and study; I want to do. I want to walk with Him as we minister to others. I don't know what that will look like, but I know He has a plan and will reveal it to me in time.
So, like I said before, this isn't the end; it's only the beginning. The beginning to a new definition of me. For the last 14 years, I have been Cindy Thompson, Gifted Teacher; prior to that, I was Cindy Thompson, Pampered Chef Kitchen Consultant/Director; and prior to that, I was Cindy Thompson, Math teacher. All during that time, I've been wife and Mom--two absolutely cherished roles. Those roles have been granted to me by my Savior. I'm so thankful that those roles will always be a part of my life. They are a part of my definition, but they do not complete my definition. My Jesus completes me. He will provide a new definition of me that will knock my socks off. He always does.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
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