I haven't updated in a while. I haven't felt that great. I am so blessed to be a teacher so I can have some time off in the summer to relax, but I'm starting to get concerned about going back again. I'm concerned about how long I will actually be able to teach. I love my job but any teacher can tell you that it is QUITE tiring and stressful. I absolutely adore my students and want to be able to be the best teacher for them that they deserve. God is good and I am so blessed that He is still allowing me to teach.
I need encouragement. I'm feeling alone. I know I'm not, but I feel that way a lot. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and takes extremely good care of me; I have a loving church family who has been watching out for me as well; I have a new family who loves me and takes care of me too; but most of all, I have an awesome Heavenly Father who loves me beyond reason. So why do I feel this way? Probably because I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer! I'm human and have a tough time dealing with it at times. I have a good friend who just spent two hours talking to me and letting me vent as I really haven't done before. She helped me a lot. Thank you dear. I needed that.
Nothing has really changed in my prognosis; I just get down at times. None of us knows how long we have on this earth, but when we are faced with our mortality the reality hits you square in the face. I know that when God chooses to take me Home, it will be the best day ever! I just don't look forward to the process of getting there. I also know from experience how great it has been to have my Mama in my life. I want that for my kids. I also know how unfortunate it has been for my children not to have their Dad's mother in their lives. She would have been such a good grandmother! I want to be there for my grandchildren and I want to be healthy for them. Keep praying for me and for a cure to this awful disease. God is so good and has a purpose for all of this, but I do get frustrated. Ease my frustration, LORD!
I'm sorry that I had to vent today. I stay upbeat for the most part, but I do have my moments. Writing in my blog has often helped me sort things out. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. God is good!
Cindy, you are so right - facing your own mortality is extremely difficult and you are human. Few people go through this with total grace each and every day. You have been a shining example for so many people of how to appreciate and LIVE every day. Sure God has his reasons and plans but sometimes we can't help but think it's just not fair. Why, because it's not. At my cousin's "celebration of life" I was shocked when one of the speakers (her previous pastor) said exactly that - it's not fair. It's ok to feel that way (not telling you something you don't already know). What a blessing you have been to your children - you have gotten to raise them - what a miracle in itself! Hang in there and please know that you have many many daily prayers and loving thoughts surrounding you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Cindy. You have been such a blessing to me. Love you girl!
DeleteVenting is good! Do it whenever you need to, because it's much better than keeping it all inside. You are a great example of strength, courage and continuing to have faith in the face of cancer. Prayers always coming your way!
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